when you go to funhaven as a grown-ass adult

For those of you who are unaware, FunHaven has an adults-only night.

You’re welcome.

On Fridays only, Funhaven extends its hours until 1am. The kiddos typically trickle out by around 8:30pm, and then the alcohol-fueled return to elementary school bliss begins. For $35, you get unlimited access to laser tag, a laser maze, bumper cars, bowling, and a climbing wall. You also get a $6 credit for the arcade games, and either a slice of pizza or an alcoholic beverage.

My crew and I started the evening with a round of laser tag. We would go twice more before the night ended. Our tag sessions got increasingly intense with every round. By our third and final round as the red team, we had an entire war strategy, involving immediately taking the second level, and sniper-ing the entire blue team, repeatedly. It was merciless.

I contributed very little to this effort. My aim is terrible and I got shot a lot. I don’t so much need a laser-gun as like, a laser-flamethrower to actually be effective. But I had fun anyway.

As far as the other attractions:

  • The Laser Maze: This is a obstacle course made up of lasers that you must navigate through - think Mission Impossible. I was shockingly good at this. I may consider a career in art thievery.
  • Bowling: It’s five pin bowling, made for little hands. It’s...okay.
  • Bumper cars: this was being refurbished when we went, but even if it wasn’t, I hate bumper cars with a passion. That’s on me, though. Moving on.
  • Climbing wall: kind of like bowling: fine, but made for people who aren’t a. Drinking and b. Big.
  • The Arcade: A little something for everyone. I enjoy a nice round of air hockey, myself, and my partner in crime likes skee-ball. Nice mix of classic and new. And you get tickets for your efforts, of course. I had just enough to acquire a package of Welch’s fruit snacks, which after an evening of pretending I was eleven years old, felt right and good.